Coming out of the depression

has anyone ever heard that doctors and nurses are the worst patients?

Its true. Absolutely true. I think I have mentioned before that I am diabetic. Type 2, but I have been on insulin since my first pregnancy over 2 years ago. I go through periods where I just don't care, and I stop taking my insulin and let my eating go to hell in a handbasket.

Since my loss in June, I've been going through one of those periods. I saw my primary doctor almost 2 months ago, I confessed my bad behavior and depression causing me to just not care anymore. I know the consequences of diabetes, I see them at work every day, but for some reason I feel like I have no reason to care, I may never be a mother, the one thing I want the most, so who cares if Diabetes kills me? My primary doctor ordered some labs and changed my insulin. I never had the labs done, never went to my follow up appointment, but I did fill my prescription for new insulin. But I didn't take it.

My husband has been on my ass lately about taking my insulin. Annoying to say the least, when I was first diagnosed as a diabetic, he used to criticize everything. I used to call him the diabetes police. So last week I started being good about taking my insulin, I took my Lantus each night and remembered to take my Novolog with probably 80% of my meals. This weekend my husband told me how much it bothered him that I wasn't taking care of myself. He said "why are we spending so much time and money to have babies when you probably won't be around to take care of them because you don't take care of yourself". WOW. He is right (damn it!) and I know he is.

So now the change starts. Starting Oct 1st I will be on a diet. I am already tracking my calories on myfitnesspal, although I am going way over my calorie goal. It will also allow me to track my carbs like I am supposed to. I am continuing to take my insulin as I am supposed to and I will start checking my blood sugar an hour after I eat like I am supposed to (I am so bad about taking insulin then not monitoring my blood sugar). We will exercise, at least 3 days a week minimum (I got the Couch 2 5K app). And NO MORE SODA! Ack.... I am a horrible REGULAR soda drinker. Only 1 a day but still so horrible for a diabetic.

This is not going to stop me from my treatments. On Oct 5th I have my repeat pap and once the results come back my RE will give me the ok to start treatments. By my calculations it will likely be November before we get started, so that gives me a good month to get my shit together with my blood sugars and to lose some weight. I will also continue to lose during treatments, I did it in the spring, I can do it now.