This blog is about my life and my struggles with infertility and recurrent miscarriage. If you dont want to hear me whine about my struggles then you probably shouldnt read it

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Update on my RE visit

So I thought I would update after my RE appt.

My Husband does not have a balanced translocation. He is a genetically normal male karotype. His semen analysis was great (309million sperm count, this made him proud)

So as far as answers, we have none. My RE brought up IVF with PGD, but said if I could get to where I can view losing pregnancies as part of the process, it is a waste of money.

I'm not sure how I can ever view losing babies as a process, but I guess in a way it is. With no answers linking my losses it is basically keep trying and see how many babies have to die before I get a take home baby. I do feel that I could go through more losses. It breaks my heart everytime but it breaks my heart more to give up on my dream of having a child.

So the plan is.....go back on my Clomid/injectables sequential protocol. But not until around November. I don't want a break, but my pap smear in June was abnormal and I have a follow up pap on Oct 5th. My RE wants a clear pap before I start TTC again. So I guess we wait. It's been 4 months since my last treatment cycle and it's killing me to not do anything.

On a happy note....we are going to Hawaii on Sept 10th. I can't wait for a break from the chaos of my life

Friday, August 5, 2011

Back to the RE

So in light of our recent results on what caused our most recent loss, I made an appt with our RE. I dreaded it... which is odd. I usually look forward to going, but that is because I know each time I go I am making progress towards my goal. Now I feel that when I go I will just get bad news and told there is little they can do outside of IVF with PGD. But I did it. We will go together to meet with our RE on Aug 16th.

I am glad my husband is going. I think he needs to hear first hand what we are dealing with and how we are going to be able to get a living baby. But I am so afraid they are going to tell me that IVF is the only way. And right now that just seems so far out of our reach.

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

And the results are in....

My baby (the most recent loss) was a girl, and she had Turner's Syndrome 45X. Same diagnosis as my second baby.

TS is supposedly a somewhat rare genetic disorder, although as most babies with TS are lost in the first trimester it is thought it may be more common since many first trimester miscarriages do not undergo genetic testing. But it is cause for concern for my OB and RE that I had 2 babies with this genetic disorder. The statistics say it happens in 1 in 2500 pregnancies. Oh how could I be so lucky to have it happen twice?

I don't know how I feel about these results. I knew it would be something genetic. I am blown away that it is the same damn thing that killed my baby girl last March, but I am also sad because it still leaves us with no answers. As much as I hate to think something is wrong with me that is causing this, having a diagnosis that can be treated is a lot easier than just "bad luck"

I don't know where we will go from here. I have to make an appt with my RE and discuss our options now that I have the test results back. Likely he will recommend IVF with PGD (preimplantation genetic diagnosis) which of course comes with a HUGE price tag. But I feel that it is really the only way to make sure this doesnt happen again.

All my life I have always wanted a baby girl. What woman doesn't? But it is extremely hard knowing that I for sure could have had 2 but lost them. I am wondering if there is some truth to the theory that some people just can't have one sex or the other as far as babies go? Of course I would be happy to have any baby, but I have a feeling I may end up with only my baby girls in heaven. But I will take some baby boys on earth!